Understanding Grief: A Journey, Not a Timeline

BY: Dr. Deborah Danner, Ph.D., LCPC, CADC, NCC

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it is also one of the most deeply personal. Whether it comes after the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a sense of safety, grief can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and isolating. Many people expect it to follow a neat timeline, but in reality, grief is not a straight line—it’s a winding path that looks different for everyone.

What Grief Really Looks Like

Grief often comes in waves. Some days you may feel a sense of calm, while others bring overwhelming sadness, anger, or even guilt. You might notice changes in your body—difficulty sleeping, fatigue, or even physical pain. These reactions are normal. Grief affects both the mind and the body because loss disrupts not only our routines, but also our sense of identity and connection.

Common Myths About Grief

One of the biggest myths is that there are “five stages” of grief that people move through in order. While stages such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance can help describe the experience, they are not universal checkpoints. You might move back and forth between them, skip some entirely, or experience emotions that don’t fit neatly into any stage. Another myth is that grief has an “expiration date.” In truth, grief often softens over time, but the love and memories connected to loss remain a part of us forever.

Healthy Ways to Cope

• Allow yourself to feel: Suppressing emotions often prolongs pain. Giving yourself permission to cry, journal, or talk with others can be healing.

• Stay connected: Reach out to supportive friends, family, or a counselor. Connection helps you remember you’re not alone.

• Care for your body: Eating balanced meals, getting movement, and resting are essential. Grief is physically exhausting, and your body needs care.

• Find rituals: Creating small ways to honor your loved one—such as lighting a candle, keeping a memory box, or visiting a meaningful place—can provide comfort and continuity.

  
  

When to Seek Extra Support

Grief is not something to “fix,” but if you notice that your sadness feels unrelenting, you’ve lost interest in daily life, or you are struggling to function, it may be time to reach out for professional support. Counseling can help you process your feelings in a safe space and find new ways to cope.

A Final Thought

Grief is not a problem to solve—it’s a testament to the depth of our love and connection. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning how to carry the memory with you in a way that allows life to continue. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way, on your own timeline.